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Professor, Madame Azure, Carl
CARL: I saw your magical marionettes. They’re free.
They’re happy. They’re unique.
MADAME AZURE: They’re puppets, you nincompoop.
CARL: They don’t have any strings holding them back. I do.
PROFESSOR: I run a theatre. If you want to be part
of it, you have to try out.
CARL: Now you’re talkin’. What do I do?
PROFESSOR: Have you ever heard of a puppet named Pinocchio?
CARL: Pinocchio? Don’t think so.
PROFESSOR: Little wooden guy? Wanted to become a real boy?
CARL: Doesn’t ring a bell.
PROFESSOR: Runs away from home, gets into mischief, turns into a donkey,
swallowed by a giant shark?
CARL: Uh, nope.
MADAME AZURE: Blockhead!
PROFESSOR: All right. For your audition, you are to play the part of
Pinocchio as if your future depended
upon it. Give it everything you’ve got.
Improvise. My marionettes will help you.
CARL: You want me to play a puppet?
PROFESSOR: And my marionettes will play all the people. If you can pull
this off, I’ll give you a job.
Is it a deal? (Offers his hand)
CARL: (Shakes his hand) Deal.
Motel Owner, Motel Owner's Wife, Fox Cat,
Villager/Townsperson 1-5
MOTEL OWNER: And stay out, you miserable curs!
WIFE: I’ll not have any freeloaders eating my food without paying.
MOTEL OWNER: Or singing and joking until the wee hours of the morning
without so much as
crossing my palm with a coin.
WIFE: Refusing to give so much as a “woof” at a burglar who might come
prowling…
MOTEL OWNER: You won’t be bothered to chase a mouse to earn your keep.
WIFE: You're no longer welcome at our motel.
FOX: Please, I beg of you.
CAT: It is not our fault that we’re temporarily short of cash.
FOX: We’re just a couple of down-on-our-luck strays…
CAT: …trying to find a quiet place in this cold, cruel world.
VILLAGER/TOWNSPERSON 1: Sounds like these two can’t
survive in the wild.
VILLAGER/TOWNSPERSON 2: They need a loving home.
VILLAGER/TOWNSPERSON 3: A place where they can spend their retirement
ears in peace and quiet.
VILLAGER/TOWNSPERSON 4: And be waited on hand and foot.
VILLAGER/TOWNSPERSON 5: How could you be so inconsiderate?
FOX: We’re just trying to get by, that’s all.
CAT: Living paw to mouth.
Cricket, Pinocchio
CRICKET: Studying geology, are we? Oh, this is
buckets of fun. Here we are, watching wet sand dry up.
Most fun I’ve had in days. Fun, fun, fun ‘til you daddy
takes the T-Bird away. Yeah, boy. We’re havin’ some
kinda fun now.
PINOCCHIO: Shows what you know. This is the Field of Miracles and I
happen to be growing a money tree.
I planted my coins in the ground and now I’m just waiting
for them to grow so I can pick some money
and be rich.
CRICKET: Now I’ve heard everything. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Where’d
you get a fool idea like that?
You gotta earn it, with your hands or with your brain, you
blockhead
PINOCCHIO: I wish people would stop calling me that.
CRICKET: This money tree scam. I supposed you thought it up all by
yourself?
PINOCCHIO: No. The fox and the cat told me about it.
CRICKET: The fox and the cat? I should have known. Leave you alone for a
second, and you fall in with
bad company. This fox and cat. They told you to stick your
money in the ground?
Blues Fairy Mama, Pinocchio
BLUES FAIRY MAMA: I’m gonna kick your scrawny
wooden tail right out the door!
PINOCCHIO: I don’t know what to say.
BLUES FAIRY: How about, “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve cause, and
from now no I’m going to do the
right thing”?
PINOCCHIO: What good would that do?
BLUES FAIRY: It’s a start. Now hold still. (Pulls his nose off)
PINOCCHIO: Ow!
BLUES FAIRY: I’m going to send word to Geppetto that you’re al right.
You’ll stay with me for a while,
go to school here and work afternoons to earn
back the money you lost.
PINOCCHIO: Do I have to?
BLUES FAIRY: You don’t want to get on my bad side, honey. Now, do you
want something to eat
or don’t you?
PINOCCHIO: Yes, ma’am.
BLUES FAIRY: That’s better.
Pinocchio, Dipstick, Mary Annette
DIPSTICK: Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.
MARY ANNETTE: Honestly. You two are good for nothing. Do you want to
grow up to be a couple
of donkeys?
Cause that’s what’s going to happen if you fail these
tests.
DIPSTICK: Bubble gum, bubble bath, flubber bubble….Har!
MARY ANNETTE: How about doing your best because it’s the right thing
to do?
PINOCCHIO: The right thing to do is for me to do whatever I want,
whenever I want.
MARY ANNETTE: You don’t really believe that, do you?
PINOCCHIO: Works for me.
MARY ANNETTE: But you could do so much more with your life.
PINOCCHIO: Who cares?
MARY ANNETTE: Lots of people. Your father Geppetto care so much that
he’s out there right now
searching high and low for
you. The Blues Fairy cares so much that she’s given you a home and food
to eat. And…I care, too.
DIPSTICK: Pinocchio’s got a girlfriend,
Pinocchio’s got a girlfriend. Har! What’s up with that?
Fannie Oakleaf, Driver, Trina, Donna
FANNIE: Thar ya go. Paid in full for all them
donkeys. Ya drive a hard bargain.
WAGON DRIVER: That’s why the call me the Driver. Only the best for
you, Fannie.
FANNIE: Thank ya kindly.
WAGON DRIVER: You sure go through them fast, though.
FANNIE: That’s ‘cause I don’t tolerate slackers. (Trina Enters) Hey
there, Trina.
TRINA: Yes, Fannie?
FANNIE: Ya got that new batch ready yet?
TRINA: Ready, Fannie. They have their costumes on, and I’ve taught
them the steps.
FANNIE: They all doin’ like they’re s’posed ta?
TRINA: They’re doing the best they can.
FANNIE: Well, for their sake, they’d better do better.
TRINA: There is one donkey I’m having trouble with, he tries hard,
but his moves are
awfully wooden.
DONNA: Don’t give up Pinnochio. Remember your
father? Don’t you want to see him again?
PINOCCHIO: Well, of course.
DONNA: Then you’ve got to escape.
FANNIE: Ain’t no one ever escaped from my Wild West Extravaganza
DONNA: Run, Pinocchio, run!
(Fannie also says the following like an introduction)
FANNIE: And now, ladies and gentlemen, Fannie
Oakleaf’s Wild West Extravaganza is right proud
to present, direct from
the mining campus of the
California Gold Rush
Geppetto & Tina Tuna
TINA TUNA: Hi, Pinocchio. This your dad?
GEPPETTO: How do you do?
PINOCCHIO: Hi, Tina. How did you get in here?
TINA TUNA: Tuna fish have no trouble getting into a shark. It’s
getting out that’s a bit tricky.
GEPPETTO: A talking tuna fish. How quaint.
TINA TUNA: I brought you a little something from the Blues Fairy.
GEPPETTO: The Blues Fairy? How is she? When I was young, she was the
light of my life.
(Blows nose) Braap!
(Tina stares at him for a moment) Speaking of light,
did you happen to bring a match?
TINA TUNA: Nope, How about a gallon of gasoline and a signal flare
gun?
GEPPETTO: That’ll work!
GEPPETTO: So if we burn this boat up, how are we going to get to
shore?
TINA TUNA: Leave that to me. Just hold onto this cane, and I’ll tow
you to safety.
GEPPETTO: I think I’m beginning to like tuna fish after all.
Audition Song Lyrics
Sing the song listed for the character you
are reading lines for.
Some characters on the recording such as, Pinocchio
and Cricket, are sung by a male voice,
because the gender of the character can be played by a male or female you
can adjust the range by
singing an octave if it's too
low.
(CD's and sheet music available at AAMCT $5)
All the World's a Stage
~ Townspeople/Villagers, Young Ensemble
“All the world’s a stage,”
So sayeth the scribe and the wise old sage.
All the world’s a stage,
In our time we will play many roles.
There are exits and entrances, lines to prepare,
Costumes and makeup and hair. Take care!
No Strings Attached ~
Carl/Pinocchio,
Professor Pinecone, Madame Azure, Tina Tuna,
Gepetto, Fox, Cat,
Motel Owner & Wife, Mary
Annette, Marionette Ensemble
Hey, boy! Hey, boy!
Getcha feet off the groun’, don’t act so coy.
Hey, boy! Hey, boy!
Getcha feet off the groun’, let’s go!
This wooden body doesn’t need the pull of a string.
You can look us up ‘n’ down, but no, you won’t see a thing.
You say it’s an illusion, but we’re always detached.
We’re hip, enchanted puppets with no string attached!
Bug Ya ~
Cricket
Ya think you’re kinda cool,
ya got it goin’ on,
Well, homeboy, you’re not all that.
I got your number on the grid, a wet nose kid.
Just another punk city brat!
Ya don’t wanna do this, don’t wanna do that,
All ya wanna do is play.
Well, listen up, fool, don’t’cha give me no drool,
Ain’t takin’ your jive today.
Blues Fairy Mama ~
Blue Fairy
BLUES FAIRY: Well,
I’m your Blues Fairy mama,
And it’s plain as the nose on your face.
.
BACKUP SINGERS: (sing) Blues Fairy Mama!
Blues Fairy Mama!
.
BLUES FAIRY: (sings) Well, I’m your Blues Fairy mama,
And it’s plain as the nose on your face.
.
BACKUP SINGERS: (sing) Blues Fairy Mama! Blues Fairy Mama!
.
BLUES FAIRY: (sing) You been lyin’ through your teeth an’
causin’
trouble all over the place!
Donkey Trot ~
Fannie Oakleaf,
Donna, Dipstick, Trina, Driver
One little donkey, two
little donkeys, three little donkeys, four,
By sunup tomorrow, there’ll be a dozen more!
Hee haw! Hee haw! We do what we been taught.
Hee haw! Hee haw! As we do the donkey trot.
I'm On My Way Back Home ~
Pinocchio
Seems like yesterday
I had lost my way,
Didn’t know or care what’s wrong or right.
Wandered in the night,
Couldn’t see the light,
But this day, I’m finally home to stay.
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